Optimism and Progress

This week has been good. Better than decent. Monday at school was good (I ended up writing that French presentation the day it was due, and making a funny as hell powerpoint to go with it. Got an A! Learned no valuable lesson about not putting off schoolwork in favor of playing my DS whaaaaaatsoever). Wednesday at school was fantastic. And I don't want to say I expect it to be, but today's shaping up to be pretty nice as well.

I'm pleasantly surprised at the end of each day when things feel happy. It's not as though I'm miserable; things at home are going fantastically well, things are great with Josh, things are getting better with my best friend. My classes are fun and I'm doing well at school. Life in general is good. I'm not shocked, that's got the wrong connotation, but I am... Pleasantly surprised. Can't think of any other way to put it.

I think it must be the financial stress. Tuesday morning I sat down with my bills and calendar at the computer and just wrote everything down. I have these dates in my head, but I think it will reinforce things properly. And I know what $$$ must be in my account on each day, and I mapped out how much will be paid towards each bill when. When I need to go to the credit union to make a withdrawl from savings to pay for tuition. And I spoke with the tuition people, who were ten kinds of helpful and looked up the dates I needed.

CapitalOne looms, but thank god after two small retail balances I can focus on that and my recurring monthly bills-- phone and insurance. Phone, insurance, and credit card seem considerably more doable than what I'm ineffectively trying at the moment. My tax return is mostly going to tuition (jesus christo on a vespa, I will never fail a class again), but there's enough left over for a notcheap set of plane tickets to go to Massachusetts for Josh's graduation this summer.

That boy makes me so happy. This lasting giddiness is sweet. Things are honest and well rounded and healthy.

And things with Andrea seem to be getting repaired, which is important to me. I got an email from her yesterday that made me feel like things might be alright after all, and the uncertainty was stressing me more than I thought it ever would.

I think I'm growing a bit with regard to the oversensitivity. It's probably something I'll struggle with always, but what I'm trying is to think things through. To make myself take the time to do so, not just calculate whatwillhappenasfastasIcan. I get impatient when people don't speak quickly enough, but that's kind of an in to speak more slowly, and to pause to consider things deliberately before deciding what to say.

As for the being afraid of something popping out of the dark to get me, no progress whatsoever. But I have been sleeping well the past few nights. That's a hazy resolution I need to be more resolute about: going to sleep at a decent hour. I've been awful about that for months and I'm worried it might impact my health. And as I am admist the throng of uninsured Americans, keeping the health is important.

So things are good. I've identified a few problems that I already knew were problems, but having written them down makes me feel like I'm dealing with them better. And having a plan and a budget is doing wonders for my peace of mind.